I’ve heard that if you do mushrooms with someone you’ll forever be bonded to them because the spores in the mushroom colony live in you both, in your blood, forever. I keep finding sand behind my ears from our beach day. Micro memory palace. You started to feel it first, right? Oh yea, because we were climbing the big rock that felt like a woman and I looked back and saw tears in your eyes. The doors started to unlock, like a wave full of tiny people opening up all the things we have been shelving and saving up. They say this is our essence; when your heart is open and the love is porous and you are completely trusting and connected to every wondrous and sorrowful thing in this world; that is your essence. Why don’t we realize this? Because the hurt is so big when it is not reciprocated, seen, or understood. Maybe that’s why I drank so much, but I’m “recovered” now. What have I recovered? Perhaps some of my essence. I take the sand from my ears and put the small grains on my mantle where they will now live with love candles gathered from New Orleans.